I was on waterskis, stripped to the waist, skiing fast across the top of the surf, my hair back, I oiled my muscle. Honeymooning, I was fabulous, you would have adored me. I never used to go to the beach, 'cause I come from Brooklyn, we only had Coney Island, which was an awful beach, though there was rumours during the war, that enemy submarines, German subs came into the bathing area at Coney Island, and they were destroyed by the pollution.Īnd the only time I bathed was with Mrs. Some guy hit my fender and I said unto him.I said, "Be fruitful and multiply", but not in those words.Īhm, and listen, I've been up here for a while and I don't know how many out there noticed, but I do not have what you call a 'stock theatrical sun tan', I'm redheaded, and fairskinned and when I go to the beach, I don't tan, I stroke. I got into a fight with a guy, and I forgave him. I really came on God, there, I was really fabulous, I put on a blue suit, I took taxi cabs all over New York. It was method acting, so two weeks beforehand, I started to live the part offstage, y'know. We did a play in acting class by Paddy Chayefsky called "Gideon", and I played the part of God, in "Gideon". I don't know what else to tell you about myself, I was a writer and an actor, I was a television writer and, ah, I wasn't an actor, I was in acting class. If her husband fails to satisfy her sexually, Mutual of Omaha has to pay her every month. Ah, I have a boy cousin that went through four years of college and became a mutual fund salesman, and he married a very thin girl from the neighbourhood, who had her nose lifted by a golf pro, y'know.(bok) Hit it and just.hooked up over her head, and they moved to the suburbs and they have all kinds of status symbols, they have their own home and stationwagon and fire insurance and life insurance and mutual funds and his wife has orgasmic insurance or something. Steal second base, and feel guilty and go back.Īlso, I have a cousin, that my parents loved more than me, that really destroyed me. Nailbiters against the bedwetters, and if you've never seen neurotics play softball, it's really funny. We used to play all the neurotics on sunday morning. I was in analysis, you should know that about me, I was in group analysis when I was younger, 'cause IĬouldn't afford private.I was captain of the latent When I got thrown out of college, she locked herself in the bathroom and took an overdose of Mahjong tiles. They threw me out, and my mother, who is a really sensitive woman, I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year, I cheated on my metaphysics final in college, I looked within the Like truth and beauty, advanced truth and beauty, intermediate truth, introduction to God, Death 101. I took all the abstract philosophy courses in college, I went to NYU myself, I was a philo-major there, too. I formed a power block with my uncle and we sent my grandmother to jail. I formed a corporation this year, and I'm the president, my mother is vice president, my father is secretaryĪnd my grandmother is treasurer, my uncle is on the board of directors, and they got together the first week,Īnd they tried to squeeze me out. The government said it was entertainment, y'know, we compromised finally and made it a religious contribution. I tried to take my analyst off as a business deduction, y'know. Last year I had difficulty with my income tax. I don't know what else has happened.Oh I know, I became a corporation since I was here the last time. So I moved into a doormanned apartment house on Park Avenue, that's rich and secureĪnd expensive and great, and I lived there for two weeks, and my doorman attacked me. I moved, let me start right at the very beginning, I formerly lived in Manhattan, uptown east in aīrownstone building, but I was constantly getting mugged and assaulted and.sadistically beaten about That I thought we could go over tonight and evaluate. This is my third night here, I haven't been here in about eight months now, was the last time I was here,Īnd since I was here last, a lot of significant things have occured in my private life, Woody Allen - Standup Comic Woody Allen - Standup Comic Side
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